I was one of those 3 women, because I think talking about sex acts that aren’t as “mainstream” help to normalize all acts of sex and pleasure. See the responses below. Or click here for the Article.
A rusty trombone, just in case you haven’t heard, is the act of simultaneously giving a rim job (the “rusty”) and a hand job (the “trombone”).
Basically, licking your partner’s anus while reaching around to their penis. Ahead, three women open up about what it’s like to give one.
How old are you?
Kenna: I am 29.
Sonya: I am 42 years old.
Carly: I’m 29 years old.
Tell me about the first time you gave a rusty trombone.
Kenna: I was 28, recently divorced and I performed it on the first guy I started dating after my ex. He introduced me to what has become one of my favorite sex acts, giving rim jobs.
Sonya: The first time, I was surely in my twenties, not sure exactly when. Seeing as I don’t recall exactly when this was, it had to be with a boyfriend or a now-ex-husband.
Carly: The first time I gave a rusty trombone I was 23, and it was with a guy that I was hooking up for about two months. We did a lot of exploration and it happened because he licked my asshole first, so while I was giving him oral sex, I returned the favor. Adding the hand job factor to the rimming seemed intuitive because rimming feels good but I doubt most people could orgasm from only rimming. I added the hand action to make an orgasm happen — thus the rusty trombone occurred.
Had you tried rimming before (either giving or receiving), or was it your first time doing that too?
Kenna: This was my first time giving. I had received a rim job during oral sex before, but wasn’t comfortable enough with my body (or my partner) to truly relax and enjoy it. I still had a lot of negative thoughts around anal sex.
Sonya: Yes, although I don’t remember when, I’m sure that I had done some rimming before. I recall rimming in my teens, although mostly with girls, the boys were too squeamish to have anything touched near their backdoor at that age.
Carly: I had tried rimming before but only on women — I have found that most men are weird about any contact with their butt. I had also gotten rimmed before [by] multiple people before I got the chance to try it on a man.
Kenna: My partner suggested it before we tried it the first time, and since then I have always brought it up with partners before trying it. Consent is always the best foreplay. We used no lube (I personally don’t want any lube in my mouth other than saliva) and I inserted a finger in his ass, but no other toys. He tried to always shower before as prep.
I was nervous [the first time] because that’s a butthole, but the second I heard him moan with pleasure, I was hooked. All my fears were smashed, since the taste and smell of his ass was nothing like I expected: it was pleasant and not intense. If my partner is excited to try something new, I am excited to learn something new!
Sonya: Just absolute intuition. If one thing feels good, and another feels just as good, wouldn’t both simultaneously be amazing? Well, I was right … I’d suggest a shower beforehand. Scrubbing each other is a great warm-up, anyway. For rimming or a rusty trombone, lube isn’t necessary, but some people enjoy the extra slippery feel or taste of flavored lubes.
It definitely wasn’t talked about beforehand. Sex is fun and spontaneous, not mapped out or planned. How exciting would it be if you knew everything that would happen? Or a letdown if it didn’t, for whatever reason?
Carly: I honestly think it’s intuitive. I have never discussed it with a partner, it has always been a natural progression in sexual exploration orally. If you are licking someone’s asshole, that act itself will most likely not lead to an orgasm, so adding the hand action to it just adds to the pleasure and hopefully brings an orgasm. I had seen it in porn, which made it almost normalized, so I just went for it.
The first time was spontaneous, but I felt comfortable with this person and knew they had just showered. We did not discuss it, but it was a very explorative relationship so we tried a lot of different things out. If I do it now, I use lube, because more “slippery” is always better. With current partners, I use a glove so I can also massage their asshole with my finger and not worry about my nails or anything hurting them.
How did you and your partner enjoy it? Have you tried it again since?
Kenna: He loved it! Major orgasm. I like the phrase “Eat the booty like groceries” … It is a regular part of my sex life since all my partners know how much I enjoy giving a rim job. But the prep of them wanting to shower before and making sure they are in the right headspace — since many men are socialized to believe that enjoying anything anal “makes them gay” or emasculates them — means that we might not do it every time we have sex.
Sonya: I definitely enjoy it from my end. It’s taboo, it’s naughty, it’s sensual at the same time. I know how good he must be feeling and that’s a massive turn-on! I can nearly get off myself just giving him a rusty trombone. The feeling of his skin against my fingers and palm, the taste of his skin, the texture of his soft tissue against my tongue. Kinda makes me wish I was in bed right now!
Everyone I’ve done it to comes in buckets from it, but to toot my own horn, my hand job isn’t that shabby to begin with, and I hear that’s where a lot of girls have problems. If you can give a good hand job to climax in short order, you’ll excel at giving a rusty trombone! And I get more than a little excited, myself, when giving them … Even without a full on orgasm, I am satisfied just walking away after all of that! It’s a pretty regular part of my sex life. My current husband considers himself an extremely lucky man. His former girlfriends were too prudish to even try!
Carly: I enjoyed it just because my partner enjoyed it. The act itself doesn’t turn me on, but seeing my partner get pleasure is very exciting for me … I do it still occasionally, but I wouldn’t call it a regular part of my sex life. It’s fun, but there are things that are more fun.
Any tips for getting the rhythm or technique right?
Kenna: Cunnilingus and analingus are very similar … Licking, drawing circles, and tongue penetration are great … I personally think that a rim job and hand job [at the same time] can get tricky in finding a rhythm that works. I’m not the best multitasker during sex, so I need to focus on moving my hand on his cock and my tongue around his anus and making sure there is enough lubrication so that I’m not pulling the skin of the penis too much.
I’ve seen that guys like to be on all fours while having a rim job, [if they are] then I will run my tongue down their testicle and to their penis. I give them an upside-down blow job and it blows their minds! Then I have my mouth and tongue back on his ass while I’m reaching around giving him a hand job.
Sonya: The only difficulties were in the beginning. Trying to focus on giving two types of simultaneous stimulation is kind of like patting your head and rubbing your belly at the same time. You just have to get in the rhythm with both your mouth and your hand. You’ll figure it out pretty easily.
Carly: Finding the right position so you’re both comfortable is the most difficult thing. And there’s really no advice for that, because every body is so different you just have to play around and figure out what works best for you. Liberator pillows help with positions and being comfortable because they don’t squish and really help support your body.
The best advice I can give for getting the rhythm of any sex act is to Google songs that are 120 beats per minute — that’s the magical number for sex, or exercising etc. Playing music helps make the mood and keep the rhythm. You can make a playlist that’s all the same tempo to keep your rhythm on point. Also, using lube on the hand job part is important because dry rubbing is no fun for anyone. Slippery is always better.
Any parting thoughts on rusty trombones and butt play?
Kenna: We need to erase the idea that enjoying anything anal makes us “weird.” There are tons of pleasure-receiving nerve endings in our anus that it are supposed to feel good. Anal sex is just like any other kind of sex, just like oral or manual. It is perfectly normal and super fun to try.
Sonya: If you’re worried about it, maybe find an article (like this one) and ask [your partner] what they’d think of it or slyly ponder [to them] that you wonder what it would feel like. Let them open up to you to find out if it’d be welcome in your play. Trust me on this one, if it’s a hard no, then introducing it by surprise probably wouldn’t be a way to make them try it again. If they’re open to it, what’s stopping you from at least trying it, even if it’s just once? It could lead to something really fun and bring you closer together!
Carly: If you use a flavored lube make sure it’s glycerin-free. Glycerin is sugar and gets sticky and can feel gross. [Try] an amazing glycerin-free flavored lube from Sliquid or Nature Lovin’. Talk about it on neutral ground like over coffee and not in the heat of the moment when the blood is rushing to your genitals … Go to a workshop at a sex-positive store like The Pleasure Chest and be like, “Hey, wanna try this?”. And if you’re still grossed out, you can use a dental dam
